"The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."
I sat up straight in bed, my heart racing, a cold sweat on face. The endless banging on doors throughout the house shattered my sleep. I felt cold, clammy. "H-h-help me, help me oh..." Eerie Beastie Boys lyrics from the song, "Escape from the Hospital," filled the room. I turned the stereo off, delirious, my eyes not adjusting to the darkness. I made my way down the hall, visions of demons tormenting my mind, chilled nausea filling my body. I entered my mom's room, climbing into her bed in tears, "Mom, please pray for me. I'm tripping again, " yet had not taken any acid, "I don't want to be a vegetable." The prayer was short and simple in my mom's exhaustion of dealing with my mental state for so long. "God, please help her."
I walked downstairs, turning on the lights to see my pupils dilated, covering the blue, even with the lights on. Recalling that acid dilates the eyes, I held my eyes to the light to pin them. Laying on the couch in the bright living room light, I turned on the T.V. for comfort. I flipped through the channels to the local Christian station that I did not know existed. Calming music filled the room and I sensed peace as scenes rolling meadows, sheep grazing, bright morning skies filled the screen one after another. A Scripture showed up on the screen, "The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." It remained on the screen, then faded as another nature scene arrived. "I am the Lord who takes hold of your right hand." I had never heard these Scriptures before. Was the God of the Universe reaching down to me? A 17 year old druggie? An acid head that had just signed herself out of the mental hospital while remaining stuck in a bad trip for over a week? The next Scripture confirmed His heart for me, "Do not fear, I will help you." What were the chances that I would stumble on this at 4 a.m. by flipping through channels and landing on one I didn't know existed? What are the chances? Divine help.
I will help you. Our short prayer. He is going to help me! Tears poured down my face, I sat up in clarity with clasped hands, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I fell asleep in peace for the first time in months.
When we don't know where to turn, turn to Him. Look up. Whisper, "Help me," and He will. Until this day, I am in my right mind. Until this day, He has helped me. I wish I could say that encounter set me on a path of seeking Him, surrender to Him, but it did not. It would be four more years of heartache and self-deprecation before I finally said, "I'll let you help me."
Don't wait. Let Him help you today. You are so loved. xoxo
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"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13
"Surely I am with you, even until the end of the age." Jesus in Matthew 28:20
"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me live in safety." Psalm 4:8